oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
