in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
