We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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