Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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