I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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