I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I intend to get homeless drunk
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
