That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
