Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
