I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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