i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize