I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize