i think my mom watched the whole time
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
