I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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