I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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