my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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