no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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