K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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