I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
