I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
