Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
