ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize
