What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
