in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
