Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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