i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
