is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
