wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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