im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
