If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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