I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize