Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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