i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
