yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
