so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
