dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's never too late to be topless.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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