I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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