dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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