Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
