Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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