YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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