the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
