dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
