apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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