the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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