I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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