What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
