Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
