genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
