first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
