Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
