Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Drake has all the answers
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
