My nipple is on Facebook.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize