hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
