i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
