remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize