She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
