I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
