I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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