he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
