I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
