so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
