a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
