i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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