This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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