You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
you never un-have a 4some
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
