how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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